The Double Life of Elle

The Secret Confessions of an Extra Lusty Broad in a Stick Figure World.

Secret Confession February 18, 2009

I have added a brand new “Goals and Milestones” page.  For the weight related goals (i.e. 10% lost, 50 lbs lost, etc), I have decided to reward myself with various goodies.  Those goodies aren’t necessarily dangling carrots though.  The idea that I will get new workout clothes after I hit my 10% isn’t going to be the driving motivation that keeps me on the treadmill.  BUT getting those new clothes will be a great way to celebrate the victory.  The rewards are more like a way to acknowledge important transitions.  I also listed some non-scale personal goals that I have, and that list is likely to grow.  If you have a goal/reward system in place, tell me about them in the comments.  Or better yet, blog about them and leave a link!   

In other news, I actually got to watch an entire episode of The Biggest Loser last night.  Tara is so hardcore…I kind of have a “fitness crush” on her.  She had a bit of a meltdown on last night’s episode, but I probably would too if I thought I had to work twice as hard to make up for my inconsistent partner.  The mud wrestling was hilarious!

As much as I admire Tara’s grit, I want Kristen of the purple team to win.  I wasn’t sad to see the Pink team fall below the yellow line, but I was really surprised that they asked everyone to vote off Shanon.  She seemed to regret her decision in the elimination room, but her mother seemed happy as a clam about staying.  I don’t know…Shanon looks good now (she’s lost 85 lbs), but I think she would have benefited more from being on the ranch than her mother.

Alright, Lusties.  I have another secret confession to make, and this is a big one…big and nasty:

I am a smoker.  I know, I know.  Please spare me the “you’regoingtodieoflungcancer” lecture.  I KNOW.  I want to quit.  Really, I do.  But sometimes when I think about it, my neurosis flares up again…

“What will I do if I’m waiting outside of the theater for someone?  Just…stand there?”

“What will I do on my breaks at work?”

“How on earth will I drive for long periods of time without smoking?”

“How the hell will I be able to socialize with my smoker friends?”

I know all of these concerns are mild compared to a lifetime of respiratory-related health problems.  My stop smoking date is March 18th.  So I have a month.  I am hoping that all the exercise will help squelch my craving for butts.  When I’ve exercised in the past, it hurt to smoke after a workout and it just felt so…dirty?  Until March 18, I will be working on cutting back the number of cigs I smoke a day.  

Week 1- 10 cigs or less/day

Week 2- 8 cigs or less/day

Week 3- 5 cigs or less/day

Week 4- 3 cigs or less/day

March 18–no cigs ever again/day

I will probably be utilizing some “stop-smoking” aids, like nicotine gum and patches.  My BFF is using the prescription Chantix…it is making her super flatulent and REALLY bitchy.  But it seems to be working for her.  I’m too terrified of the other side effects…like depression, so I’ll do it the old fashioned way.  If anyone out there is a smoker and would like to quit, let’s help each other.  If there are any ex-smokers out there, please help me. 

Phew!  That was hard.  But I put it out there and that means there’s a whole new level of accountability.  I can totally do this…right?

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When Nature Calls February 11, 2009

I am dreading tomorrow’s weigh-in the way I used to dread lab practical exams in college and the way I used to dread chair tryouts in high school (yes, I was a band nerd).  Maybe it’s because for 3 straight weeks I have been losing so it’s only a matter of time before I gain a half pound or two.  Maybe it’s because I am afraid that if I see a gain, I’ll hop right off the wagon and eat myself into oblivion.  Maybe it’s because I got my stupid period yesterday and am retaining a large body of water. 

Yesterday, I also (FINALLY!) got the DVDs I ordered from Amazon.  Last night I did the “morning” pilates workout.  I would give it a B-.  It wasn’t  super-challenging, but the instructor really wants you to focus on correct breathing, something I didn’t even know that I was doing wrong in other Pilates workouts.  I definitely felt my core engaging when I got the breathing down.  There are 2 other workouts on the DVD which I didn’t even get a chance to watch, so maybe they’re a bit more challenging.  I also watched the Yoga video, but haven’t actually done the poses yet.  But it looks like a great morning routine to help limber up the body. 

That’s really the main reason why I wanted these Extra Lusty DVDs: to gain flexibility.  When I wake up in the morning, I can barely get out of bed.  Everything hurts, and I never feel rested.  My body feels like it’s gone through a trash compactor in the night.  My bones crack for ages. When I try and stretch my calves by flexing my foot, I get Charlie Horses.  Standing up in the morning and putting all my weight on my feet KILLS.  I am so stiff upon rising, that I have to limp to the bathroom.  I feel like an old lady. 

I know that doing Plus Size Pilates and Just My Size Yoga isn’t going to burn nearly as many calories as taking a spin class, but I need to condition my body before I start working out hardcore.  I will NOT let myself get injured this time.  I will NOT get shin splints and let them keep me from enjoying my workouts. I will NOT have to limp my way around the walking track because of a twisted ankle.  Don’t misunderstand me, I am not afraid of the pain of working out.  I enjoy feeling that burn in my butt and abs, and that heady, sweaty endorphin rush.  But there’s a difference between coming away from a work out and feeling that you’ve accomplished something and feeling that you might have torn something. 

In other news, I missed most of The Biggest Loser last night.  Thank goodness for FatBridesmaid’s Recap.  Since Joelle is out of the house, I’ve already found new people in the house to hate.  Well, hate is a strong word.  I find some people in the house annoying.  Laura of the Green team pisses me off to no end.  I’m so glad Jillian was saying all the things that I was thinking about her.  I enjoy her teammate Tara though.  Yeah, she’s probably a bitch, but she’s an awesome competetor and she’s not a complainer like “Cupcake.”  And the Yellow team.  How freakin’ annoying are they?!   Again Jillian was spot on with her assessment of Mandi before Mandi’s husband and kids showed up on the ranch.  It was a distraction for both team members.  They should both just go home.  Everyone on the Ranch has a family (granted, not all have children, but some do), but Yellow is the only team letting homesickness get in the way of changing their lives.   

And on one final note, Fatbridesmaid just blogged about Lent and her plans to exercise everyday for 40 days.  This has got me thinking about what I should give up for Lent (it starts on Ash Wednesday, Feb 25).  Giving up laziness and excuses like Fatbridesmaid, sounds pretty appealing.  Technically there are 46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter but those 6 Sundays aren’t a part of the Days of Lent, so I would probably use those days as rest days.  If anyone else plans on making a Lenten sacrifice, do tell.  (BTW, I’m not Catholic, so don’t let your religion or non-religion hold you back from participating.)

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Fat Mentality February 4, 2009

Filed under: Fat Mentality — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:32 am
Tags: , , , , ,

For the past 3 weeks, my weight loss journey has been consuming me (in a good way).  I have found a determination that I didn’t know I was capable of.  This is the longest I’ve “had my heart in” any kind of diet.  Constantly, I think about all the things that I’ll be able to do when I lose this weight: like getting out of bed in the morning without a painful struggle, going to a restaurant and not having to squeeze myself into a booth, and not having to pay a fortune for cute bras and jeans.   

But I can’t imagine myself thinner.  I told that to my BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who didn’t write those things on your binders  or add it as a “closing” in notes to your BFF in middle school).  

Her exact words were, “Not with an attitude like that!” 

She missed my point completely.  She used to be a Skinny Bitch (I mean, like size 4 skinny) and gained a lot of weight (100 lbs) over the past 5 years.  She has lived most of her life a Skinny Bitch, while I have spent my entire life being Extra Lusty.  Trying to imagine myself thin, is like trying to imagine a different nose on my face.   Plus, I have this fat girl mentality I’ve had for as long as I can remember:  before going out anywhere, I think about all the possible ways my fat is going to cause me problems or embarrassment….like breaking a folding chair at a cookout (happened!), slipping and falling (I can’t completely chalk that up to being fat, because I am such a klutz, but everyone who witnesses it just sees a fat girl rolling around on the ground), and worst of all, navigating my way through a crowded bar.  BFF still has the skinny bitch mentality and these kinds of concerns don’t even cross her mind. 

Does anyone else feel this way?  Or DID anyone feel this way before they lost the weight?  Does the “fat girl mentality” ever really go away?? 

Well, The Biggest Loser changes Extra Lusties into Skinny Bitches!  I didn’t get to watch the whole show last night, but I did get to see the weigh-in of the At-Homers.  I was yelling at the T.V. when the green team weighed in.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for Green, but Laura needs to cut the whining and crying.  And like FatBridesmaid mentioned on her LiveBlog, I’m glad Jillian called out Aubrey on the Yellow team for using that tired “I’ve gained muscle” line when she only lost 2 lbs in 30 days (FatBridesmaid hosts a LiveBlog discussion during the airing of The Biggest Loser, and also posts a play-play synopsis of each episode).   Later in the show, Aubrey said that she worked out 4-5 hrs a day when she was home and that her diet was the culprit.  I find this hard to believe.  I was sad that Carla had to go home because of Joelle.  Carla worked so hard and she wanted it so bad…unfortunately her partner totally screwed her over.  It looks like it cost them their friendship too.   My BFF talks about applying for BL all the time, and she has said that she would end up at her partner’s throat if they weren’t working hard enough because she is so competitive (think Tara of the Green team).  Since I enjoy being her friend,  I think I’ll pass. ;)   

I will be weighing in for the third time tomorrow, and I won’t lie to you…I am feeling the pressure.  This blogging thing, gives a person A LOT of accountability.  See you all Friday and have a very happy Hump-Day!

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My name is Elle, and I’m addicted to food…and reality tv. January 28, 2009

By this time of the year, a lot of people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions.  They become too hard to maintain and some kind of backsliding occurs.  What usually derails my dieting attempts around this time of year are Valentine’s Day and Easter.  Yeah, that may seem a little silly upon first reading, but it’s always been my downfall.  The abundance of chocolate hearts and  chocolate rabbits and mini-eggs and all things Cadbury and Ferraro Rocher  for two, sometimes, three solid months is my undoing.  This year will be different, because I have all you people to ‘fess up to if I backslide into a vat of chocolate.  

But I’m optimistic.  For nearly two weeks, I have prepared every meal that has crossed my lips.  I have gotten up early to eat breakfast before work (which is totally paying off in more ways than one:  I haven’t been late to work since I started this whole thing.  That in itself is friggin’ huge!  Seriously, I’m chronicly late), I have brought my lunch to work everyday, and I have almost entirely cut out added sugar from my diet.  Usually by day 3, I’m tired of meal planning and cooking and grocery shopping and I think thoughts like, “Well, you can have a double cheeseburger from McDonald’s, you just have to count the points.”  Which, technically is true.  But I can’t just stop at a double cheeseburger.  I’ll also get a large order of fries, a McChicken sandwich, and for dessert:  a couple of apple pies or a hot fudge sundae.  I am addicted to food.  I never labeled my relationship with food as addiction, until I started watching A&E’s Intervention. 

If you’ve ever watched the show, then I’m sure you’ve heard the language addicts use to describe their addictions.  Things like:

“I think about it all the time.”

“Even while I’m doing a hit, I’m thinking about scoring my next hit.”

“I know that if I keep living my life like this, that it will kill me.  But I can’t stop.”   

I can’t remember which episode I was watching, but I remember the realization that I was an addict washing over me.  Okay, I realize that my addiction to food isn’t necessarily on par with someone else’s addiction to heroine…I mean I’m not going to get arrested for buying and eating a bag of peanut M&M’s.  But the same kind of compulsive behavior, and the same kind of obsessive thoughts are there.  My drug of choice just happens to be legal and necessary to life. 

Speaking of reality shows…I watched the Biggest Loser last night, and I’ve gotta say, I’m not diggin’ the teasers that give away who is going to be up for elimination.  I am really enjoying this season though.  Even with the whole “Joelle Controversy,” it’s far less infuriating than last season’s Vile Vicky and Fraidy Brady-the Pussy Whipped Husband, Heba the Horrible and her loyal sidekick Tweedle-Dum.  One of the reasons why I like this show so much (besides seeing Bob Harper all yummy looking), is that it’s not all about game-play.  The contestants, typically, want to be there to lose weight not to just win lots of money.  Dangling that prize money is a great incentive, sure.  But the focus of the show is the weight loss and lifestyle change. 

I don’t even dislike Joelle anymore.  I am glad that she finally found the motivation that she’s been lacking this whole time.  And I’m glad that she won’t die at the hands of Carla. ;)  Dan and Dave…well, the correct decision was made with regards to them.  Dave is kind of a putz and didn’t deserve to remain at the ranch and squander a gift he didn’t even want. 

Well, apparently food isn’t the only thing I’m addicted to!

Later, Extra Lusties!