The Double Life of Elle

The Secret Confessions of an Extra Lusty Broad in a Stick Figure World.

Weigh-In and Updates March 2, 2009

So I didn’t get a chance to post last Friday.  SH and I both had the day off and we were out most of the day.  I did weigh in on Thursday though, and I only gained 0.2 lbs.  Am I disappointed that I gained?  Slightly, but I was expecting it.  I’m thrilled that I only gained a very small amount though. 

The Lenten challenge is going OK.  I have been shit about waking up early to work out.  If I manage to squeeze in a workout before bedtime, I’m lucky.  I have been doing yoga and pilates, nothing super strenuous.  I don’t want to burn out on this challenge!  I’ll be upping the ante in a few days by dusting off my Firm DVDs.  I loooooove the Firm.  It absolutely kicks my ass.  I also want to get Jillian’s 30 day shred.  I suppose I’m slightly masochistic when it comes to exercise.   

And the smoking…well, this week I’m supposed to smoke 8 cigs or less per day.  This has been pretty easy to stick to…except for yesterday when I had to work 10 hours.   I smoked about 12 cigs yesterday.  This morning I woke up coughing and with a sore throat.  I’m not sure if I’m getting sick or if I just puffed too much yesterday. 

My diet has been shit.  I have been so busy that I’ve neglected going to the market and my pantry needs a good restocking.  I had pizza at work yesterday and Chinese takeout on Friday. This tends to happen when I don’t have food at home to prepare. 

My goals for the week:

-Plan out my meals for the week and shop accordingly.

-Start using my Firm DVDs.

-Purchase 30 Day Shred

-Purchase some nicotine gum to help cut the smoking to 5 cigs this week.

Happy Monday, everyone!

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Secret Confession February 18, 2009

I have added a brand new “Goals and Milestones” page.  For the weight related goals (i.e. 10% lost, 50 lbs lost, etc), I have decided to reward myself with various goodies.  Those goodies aren’t necessarily dangling carrots though.  The idea that I will get new workout clothes after I hit my 10% isn’t going to be the driving motivation that keeps me on the treadmill.  BUT getting those new clothes will be a great way to celebrate the victory.  The rewards are more like a way to acknowledge important transitions.  I also listed some non-scale personal goals that I have, and that list is likely to grow.  If you have a goal/reward system in place, tell me about them in the comments.  Or better yet, blog about them and leave a link!   

In other news, I actually got to watch an entire episode of The Biggest Loser last night.  Tara is so hardcore…I kind of have a “fitness crush” on her.  She had a bit of a meltdown on last night’s episode, but I probably would too if I thought I had to work twice as hard to make up for my inconsistent partner.  The mud wrestling was hilarious!

As much as I admire Tara’s grit, I want Kristen of the purple team to win.  I wasn’t sad to see the Pink team fall below the yellow line, but I was really surprised that they asked everyone to vote off Shanon.  She seemed to regret her decision in the elimination room, but her mother seemed happy as a clam about staying.  I don’t know…Shanon looks good now (she’s lost 85 lbs), but I think she would have benefited more from being on the ranch than her mother.

Alright, Lusties.  I have another secret confession to make, and this is a big one…big and nasty:

I am a smoker.  I know, I know.  Please spare me the “you’regoingtodieoflungcancer” lecture.  I KNOW.  I want to quit.  Really, I do.  But sometimes when I think about it, my neurosis flares up again…

“What will I do if I’m waiting outside of the theater for someone?  Just…stand there?”

“What will I do on my breaks at work?”

“How on earth will I drive for long periods of time without smoking?”

“How the hell will I be able to socialize with my smoker friends?”

I know all of these concerns are mild compared to a lifetime of respiratory-related health problems.  My stop smoking date is March 18th.  So I have a month.  I am hoping that all the exercise will help squelch my craving for butts.  When I’ve exercised in the past, it hurt to smoke after a workout and it just felt so…dirty?  Until March 18, I will be working on cutting back the number of cigs I smoke a day.  

Week 1- 10 cigs or less/day

Week 2- 8 cigs or less/day

Week 3- 5 cigs or less/day

Week 4- 3 cigs or less/day

March 18–no cigs ever again/day

I will probably be utilizing some “stop-smoking” aids, like nicotine gum and patches.  My BFF is using the prescription Chantix…it is making her super flatulent and REALLY bitchy.  But it seems to be working for her.  I’m too terrified of the other side effects…like depression, so I’ll do it the old fashioned way.  If anyone out there is a smoker and would like to quit, let’s help each other.  If there are any ex-smokers out there, please help me. 

Phew!  That was hard.  But I put it out there and that means there’s a whole new level of accountability.  I can totally do this…right?

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Weigh in #3 and the Problem With Exercise February 6, 2009

Filed under: goals,weigh-in — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:51 am
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So in case you haven’t noticed…I’m down 2.2 lbs this week!  That brings my total to 9.8 lbs gone for good!  I have also added a ticker to my FatStats page that is tracking my short-term goal of losing 10% of my starting weight.  I’m not sure I want it there, but it will do for now.  I’m making it a point to take pictures of myself this weekend, and hopefully I will be able to post them here, so be looking for those sometime next week.

I still haven’t started a formal exercise routine, but I have been trying to move more (i.e. be less lazy).  And I finally purchased those exercise DVDs from Amazon I mentioned in this post, but haven’t received them yet.  SexyHusband and I have also been shopping around for treadmills and hope to purchase one after we do our taxes.  SH suggested a particular treadmill that was a little cheaper than the one I want to buy.  Little does he realize, one of the reasons I want to buy the more expensive one is that the weight limit on it is 350 lbs as opposed to the 275 lb limit on the cheaper one.  And yes, hopefully I’ll be in the 270’s in no time, but one of my long-term goals is to start running so I may as well buy the treadmill that can take more of a beating (plus it has a much longer warranty).  If anyone has any treadmill recommendations, please recommend away! 

I do not like exercising in front of people.  Logically, I know that this is stupid…but I get SO embarrassed when I’m working out in a gym or when I’m taking a walk outside.  This is one of the reasons I fail to stick to my exercise routines long-term.  I started walking around a few blocks of my neighborhood with my dog last year, and I freaked out every time I saw someone out in their yards or when a car would drive by.  Irrational, right?! 

My Sister-in-Law, just joined a gym and mentioned that she wanted her friend to go with her but she refused.  The friend in question is Extra Lusty and I told SIL, “It’s very hard for a fat girl to walk into a gym with a skinny girl and workout in front of everyone.  The shame is unbearable for some people.”  She’s another one that doesn’t quite get the the Fat Mentality, but her heart is in the right place.  She wanted to help her friend get the courage to go the gym by offering to go with her.    

Although not everyone struggles with the negative thinking as much as I do.  Kelly at Choosing Losing has a healthy self-esteem and can look at her body rationally and say, “I need to work on that” instead of “I hate myself” (she wrote a great post about self-image that I linked to).  Good for you, Kelly!  One of my goals is to reach that level of emotional health. 

I hope everyone had successful weigh-ins this week, and even if you didn’t, don’t fall into a funk of self-loathing!  Have a great weekend, Lusties!

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The Weigh-In and Week One in Review January 23, 2009

Filed under: goals,weigh-in — thedoublelifeofelle @ 6:13 am
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The results are in:  I posted a 4.6 lb (2.1 Kg) loss this week!  That puts my current weight at 296 lbs, with 129 lbs to lose to reach my ultimate goal weight of 167 lbs.  This week has been great.  I have been feeling positive and have kept on top of tracking my food and points.  I have tried out a couple of new recipes and they were fantastic.  Eating breakfast has been much easier than I initially thought.  My favorite breakfast is Kashi GoLean Crunch with soy milk and blueberries.  Yum!  It’s a little on the sweet side, but soy milk and Kashi are the only foods in my diet with any added sugar, so I don’t feel so bad.  Now that I’ve gotten this first loss under my belt (out from under my belt, I should say),  I would like to set some short-term goals for myself. 

  1. Lose 10% of my starting weight.  This is one of the first goals you are encouraged to reach for in WeightWatchers, and it’s a good one.  All of those wonderful health benefits of losing weight show measurable results after losing 10%.  It can help lower your cholesterol and reduce your risk of diabetes.  So this goal is the one I’m going to focus on for now.  After this week’s weight-loss I have 25.4 lbs to go!    
  2. Eliminate junk food/fast food completely for 4 weeks.  This is a tough one, but I really need to buckle down and get in the habit of preparing all of my meals at home with wholesome ingredients.  This is what I have been doing since Weigh-In #1, and it’s been great.  I haven’t had any cravings and I haven’t felt unsatisfied (granted, I’m also not PMSing now!).  You know that common belief that to make something a habit, you should do it for 30 days?  Well, I’m hoping that this holds true.  And I’m not saying that I’m never going to eat a double-cheeseburger again or swear off peanut M&M’s for life.  I just want preparing dinner each night and bringing my lunch to work to be as habitual as ordering take-out was before.  And  in order for me to get some momentum going, I need to make some strict “no tolerance” rules for myself.  Plus I need to have some practice with that whole portion control thing before I even think of looking at a bag of chocolates.   
  3. Buy those workout DVDs that have been in my Amazon.com shopping cart for a few weeks now and start using them.  The DVDs that I’m thinking of purchasing are yoga and pilates workouts for the Extra Lusty.  I have tried the “Skinny Bitches” yoga/pilates DVDs and I get so frustrated with my limited flexibility, and even if I do the modified versions of the exercises I still can’t maintain proper form.  Let’s not forget the fact that I have giant boobs and fat rolls to contend with!  It’s hard to do the pilates “100” when you’re being suffocated by your own tits!  From what I hear, it’s not that the workouts are “easy,” it’s that they take into account the Extra Lusty physique.   The workouts that have been recommended to me are  Yoga: Just My Size with Megan Garcia  and Look Great, Feel Great: Plus Size Pilates.  I know that in order to really blast the calories, I need to do aerobic activity and strength training, and I do intend on getting myself into a routine very soon.  I really want to try the yoga and pilates first though to increase my flexibility and hopefully avoid those injuries I’m so prone to when I go balls-to-the-wall. 

I have had a great week and I am loving connecting with all of you fabulous people out there.  I hope everyone is staying positive.  Have a great weekend!

 

me vs. the scale…a truce of sorts January 16, 2009

Filed under: weigh-in — thedoublelifeofelle @ 1:17 am
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This morning, I woke up bright and early (not my thing, I assure you!) and hopped on my fancy scale (again, not something I normally do).  The giant LCD screen read 300.6 lbs.  Holy thunder thighs, Batman!  But you know what?  I did not have a melt down.  I did not stare at the scale in bewilderment.  I did not relive all those nights alone on my couch surrounded by take-out containers, candy wrappers, and empty ice cream tubs.  I did not chuck the damn thing  out the window.  And perhaps, more importantly, I didn’t let that number ruin my day.  Actually, I barely thought about it.  I used to be terrified of the scale.  The thought of stepping on one has kept me out of the Doctor’s office more times than I would like to admit.  Today, though, I called a truce.  Today, the scale became a trusted ally in this whole new challenge.  The numbers that will flash on the screen in the coming weeks will keep me accountable and help me measure my progress. 

I know I have a lot of weight to lose, but I have a plan.  Plus, this isn’t just about losing pounds, or wearing a bikini, or being on the cover of Cosmo.  I have made a conscious decision to change the course of my life.  My life is going to turn out completely different because of the steps I’m taking today.  The enormity of that far surpasses the amount of poundage I have to lose. 

Trust me, though…I know that I won’t always have these days full of confidence and clarity.  I know myself well enough to expect many, many emotional ups and downs.  But I’m already ahead of myself.  I’ve made a list of some of the challenges and potential setbacks that may trigger disaster and how I plan to cope with them or avoid them all together at least some of the time.

1. My habit of skipping breakfast– I know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, blah blah blah.  But I have never been much of a breakfast eater.  I never got into the habit as a child, and as a perpetually tardy adult, I tend to be rushing around in the morning readying myself for work instead of slowing down to eat a meal.  Since I’m not a morning person to begin with, you can see how eating breakfast is quite the challenge.  My plan is to make and freeze a big batch of healthy smoothies so I can have a ready supply of a decent breakfasts that I can guzzle in the car on my commute to work.  I know it’s not a perfect plan, but my hope is that all of this healthy living will positively affect my sleeping patterns.  I’m not saying I’ll magically morph into an Eager Morning Beaver, but perhaps I’ll be able to hit that snooze button less and have the time to eat a sit-down breakfast. 

2. My habit of inhaling my food– Everybody knows that eating slower is a great way to savor a meal and to make sure you don’t overeat because of that whole “brain/stomach signals” delay.  I WOOF down my food and before you know it, I’ve had seconds and thirds and end up unbuttoning my pants because I’m uncomfortably full.  Then I’m totally guilt-ridden, decide I’m absolutely worthless and since I’ve fucked up already I might as well go the whole hog and eat a box of cookies.  This time around, I’m going to make a real effort to eat S L O W L Y and wait a few minutes before having second helpings.  I am going to try and be mindful of my hunger level and learn how to recognize true satisfaction– not too full, and not too hungry. 

3. Exercising– Believe it or not, I don’t hate exercise.  I actually quite enjoy working up a sweat and the burning and fatigued muscles the day after.  But every time I try and lose weight, I get way too hardcore about exercising and end up overdoing it.  I get so tired and sore, that I can’t keep up a regular routine or I manage to injure myself and am forced to not work out for a few days and never jump back on the activity wagon.  This time, however,  I’m starting out slow.  My focus for the first few weeks is just going to be being more active in my daily life.  Then I’m going to add 15-20 minutes of walking a few times a week and build slowly from there.  I will NOT try and do too much too fast. 

4. The discouragement that comes when the number on the scale doesn’t reflect the effort– This is a tough one.  The couple of days leading up to a Weigh In day are always full of so much anticipation.  I ALWAYS expect to lose, and when I don’t, or heaven forbid, I GAIN, the negative self-talk takes over.  It spirals out of control and faster than you can say “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough,” I’m in my pjs on the couch with a half-eaten carton of ice cream.  My tactics this time, include focusing on non-scale victories like eating well all week, exercising an extra few minutes, planning and preparing great meals all week, etc.  Those small victories will not go unnoticed this time.   

I am, by nature, pretty pessimistic.  But that’s part of the reason I took the time to think about the things that tend to derail my efforts.  I want to be prepared and this blog is part of that preparation.  Being able to type out all of my fears, accomplishments, motivations, and setbacks and put them into perspective will hopefully provide that extra bit of self-examination and accountability that will keep me on this path. 

So, Scale…it’s me and you.  You’re not going to be the only thing I use to measure my success, and you’re not the bane of my existence anymore.