The Double Life of Elle

The Secret Confessions of an Extra Lusty Broad in a Stick Figure World.

All of My Planning… March 4, 2009

Filed under: The Plan — thedoublelifeofelle @ 9:52 pm
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…and I forgot about two things:

1. Girl Scout Cookie season.

2. Getting sick.

I ate a whole box of thin mints this past weekend.  Obviously, not good for my diet.  Plus I am horribly sick (some cold/flu bug).  I go between feeling nauseated just thinking about food and eating everything I can stuff into my mouth.  Again, not great for my diet.  Also this illness is not great for the Lenten Challenge.  But FANTASTIC for my efforts to quit smoking.  Who wants to smoke filthy cigarettes when you can barely breathe to begin with?  Anyway, I think I will be starting fresh with the Lenten Challenge when this bug goes away.  I know it’s cheating, but I am not interested in having a coughing fit while I try and lift my ass up and down an aerobic step.

I have eaten my last girl scout cookie and I hope to implement a fail safe “when I get sick” food plan. 

I think I’ll crawl back into bed now.

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Weigh-In and Updates March 2, 2009

So I didn’t get a chance to post last Friday.  SH and I both had the day off and we were out most of the day.  I did weigh in on Thursday though, and I only gained 0.2 lbs.  Am I disappointed that I gained?  Slightly, but I was expecting it.  I’m thrilled that I only gained a very small amount though. 

The Lenten challenge is going OK.  I have been shit about waking up early to work out.  If I manage to squeeze in a workout before bedtime, I’m lucky.  I have been doing yoga and pilates, nothing super strenuous.  I don’t want to burn out on this challenge!  I’ll be upping the ante in a few days by dusting off my Firm DVDs.  I loooooove the Firm.  It absolutely kicks my ass.  I also want to get Jillian’s 30 day shred.  I suppose I’m slightly masochistic when it comes to exercise.   

And the smoking…well, this week I’m supposed to smoke 8 cigs or less per day.  This has been pretty easy to stick to…except for yesterday when I had to work 10 hours.   I smoked about 12 cigs yesterday.  This morning I woke up coughing and with a sore throat.  I’m not sure if I’m getting sick or if I just puffed too much yesterday. 

My diet has been shit.  I have been so busy that I’ve neglected going to the market and my pantry needs a good restocking.  I had pizza at work yesterday and Chinese takeout on Friday. This tends to happen when I don’t have food at home to prepare. 

My goals for the week:

-Plan out my meals for the week and shop accordingly.

-Start using my Firm DVDs.

-Purchase 30 Day Shred

-Purchase some nicotine gum to help cut the smoking to 5 cigs this week.

Happy Monday, everyone!

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Relax this! February 25, 2009

Filed under: exercise — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:28 pm
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Today, being Ash Wednesday, marks the very first day of Lent.  And if you’ve been following along, you know that for the next 40 days, I will be sacrificing laziness and making the time to exercise everyday.  This morning I woke up fairly early and did yoga. 

And you know what I realized today, Lusties?  I flippin’ hate yoga.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the flexibility I felt afterwards, but I absolutely cannot focus on my “breathing” and I cannot tap into my “feminine energy.”  When I workout, I like to sweat, swear, grimace and groan to loud thumping music.  I need to drown out the chaotic “chatter” that fills my thoughts.  No, I don’t suffer from multiple personalities, but my mind is always very busy.  I’m a worrier, a planner, an analyzer, a dweller.  And when I hear New Age music and a quiet, lilting voice telling me to “concentrate on the sound of my own breath,” I can’t just give in to the stillness.  While doing the poses this morning, I was thinking about writing this post, what I was going to eat for lunch, what bills I need to pay when I get paid tomorrow…the list goes on and on.  

Instead of quieting my mind, I let it run higgledy-piggledy.  And although I didn’t feel “relaxed” at the end of my yoga workout, I did feel like I had a jump-start on the day ahead of me.  The stretching was great too, but next time, I think I will forgoe the lilting voice and listen to my own music.  It’s a good thing my fancy-schmancy new red iPod was delivered via Fed-Ex today! 

Weigh-in is tomorrow and I have a feeling this is my week to gain.  I haven’t been planning my meals the way I should this week, plus I had that bout with convenience food.  BUT my jeans are so loose in the ass/thighs that I think I may need to go down a size.  I wasn’t expecting to notice any difference this soon but I am, of course, thrilled.

Anway, it’s way too late for me to be blogging.  I will see you all at a decent hour on Friday.

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Takin’ Care of Business February 23, 2009

Filed under: exercise — thedoublelifeofelle @ 1:01 pm
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I hope everyone had a great weekend.  I snacked way too much because I had ready-made prepackaged snacks in the house (granola bars, string cheese, yogurt).  I will NOT be purchasing convenient processed snacks anymore!  This is one case where my laziness can actually help me stick to my diet:  when I feel like snacking, I decide whether or not I want to go to the trouble of “preparing” something or whether I just want to grab an apple or banana.  The fruit always wins…or whatever else is lying around that I can just stuff in my mouth.  So if I just keep good “convenience” food around, I’m golden.  

I haven’t bought my treadmill yet, but I did order a brand new red iPod nano, which should be arriving sometime this week.  I love making kick ass workout playlists.  Let’s face it, one of the best things about exercise is the soundtrack.  Maybe I’ll share some of my playlists. 

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Fatbridesmaid is heralding a Lenten Challenge.  Participants will be sacrificing laziness for the 40 days of Lent, exercising for 30 minutes everyday.  The first day of Lent is this Wednesday, Feb 25, if anyone wants to join the fun.  

Last week, I confessed that I am a smoker and I laid out my plans for quitting.  So far, so good.  I haven’t had any problem sticking to 10 cigs or less over the past few days.  Mostly, I smoke them while I’m driving or at work…this is going to be a problem when I make it to 3 cigs or less/day.  But I’ll worry about that later.  To my surprise, my Mother In Law has decided to quit too.  Her final butt was last Tuesday.  I wish I had known that before I had to work with her this weekend, but her bitchiness wasn’t so bad.  I hope she can stick with it, because quite frankly, it will make it easier for me to stick with it.            

One more bit of business to take care of:

I got a comment from an asshat who sad my last post was bullshit because there are search engines like Google that I could use to find new blogs.  I promptly deleted it (it was, after all, in my spam que).  And if my reading comprehension magically deserted me and I misunderstood the context of the comment, I apologize for the deletion.  Somehow, I don’t think that happened, so if that person happens to be reading this post——

Yeah, I know all about Google, moron.  But I wanted to give my readers a chance to plug their blogs and, oh…I don’t know, perhaps foster a sense of community amongst those of us on the same path.

So anyway, I will be adding the blogs of the commentors of my last post to my “fatroll” (but not yours, Jen…’cause you’re already there;) ).  So if anyone else wants to be added, just leave a link. 

Alright, I think all the business is out of the way.

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Secret Confession February 18, 2009

I have added a brand new “Goals and Milestones” page.  For the weight related goals (i.e. 10% lost, 50 lbs lost, etc), I have decided to reward myself with various goodies.  Those goodies aren’t necessarily dangling carrots though.  The idea that I will get new workout clothes after I hit my 10% isn’t going to be the driving motivation that keeps me on the treadmill.  BUT getting those new clothes will be a great way to celebrate the victory.  The rewards are more like a way to acknowledge important transitions.  I also listed some non-scale personal goals that I have, and that list is likely to grow.  If you have a goal/reward system in place, tell me about them in the comments.  Or better yet, blog about them and leave a link!   

In other news, I actually got to watch an entire episode of The Biggest Loser last night.  Tara is so hardcore…I kind of have a “fitness crush” on her.  She had a bit of a meltdown on last night’s episode, but I probably would too if I thought I had to work twice as hard to make up for my inconsistent partner.  The mud wrestling was hilarious!

As much as I admire Tara’s grit, I want Kristen of the purple team to win.  I wasn’t sad to see the Pink team fall below the yellow line, but I was really surprised that they asked everyone to vote off Shanon.  She seemed to regret her decision in the elimination room, but her mother seemed happy as a clam about staying.  I don’t know…Shanon looks good now (she’s lost 85 lbs), but I think she would have benefited more from being on the ranch than her mother.

Alright, Lusties.  I have another secret confession to make, and this is a big one…big and nasty:

I am a smoker.  I know, I know.  Please spare me the “you’regoingtodieoflungcancer” lecture.  I KNOW.  I want to quit.  Really, I do.  But sometimes when I think about it, my neurosis flares up again…

“What will I do if I’m waiting outside of the theater for someone?  Just…stand there?”

“What will I do on my breaks at work?”

“How on earth will I drive for long periods of time without smoking?”

“How the hell will I be able to socialize with my smoker friends?”

I know all of these concerns are mild compared to a lifetime of respiratory-related health problems.  My stop smoking date is March 18th.  So I have a month.  I am hoping that all the exercise will help squelch my craving for butts.  When I’ve exercised in the past, it hurt to smoke after a workout and it just felt so…dirty?  Until March 18, I will be working on cutting back the number of cigs I smoke a day.  

Week 1- 10 cigs or less/day

Week 2- 8 cigs or less/day

Week 3- 5 cigs or less/day

Week 4- 3 cigs or less/day

March 18–no cigs ever again/day

I will probably be utilizing some “stop-smoking” aids, like nicotine gum and patches.  My BFF is using the prescription Chantix…it is making her super flatulent and REALLY bitchy.  But it seems to be working for her.  I’m too terrified of the other side effects…like depression, so I’ll do it the old fashioned way.  If anyone out there is a smoker and would like to quit, let’s help each other.  If there are any ex-smokers out there, please help me. 

Phew!  That was hard.  But I put it out there and that means there’s a whole new level of accountability.  I can totally do this…right?

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Slightly Neurotic February 16, 2009

Filed under: exercise,Fat Mentality — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:37 pm
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It’s a little after 11 pm, and I usually don’t blog this late.  SIL and I went to Ikea today, and if anyone else is a fan of Ikea then you know it’s an all day event.  We go pretty often.  It’s one of the ways we “hang out.”  Usually we go on a weekday that we both have off because there’s never a crowd during the week.  Not until we pulled up to the giant blue building with lines of cars coming out of every entrance to the parking garage did we remember that today was a holiday. 

Crowds make me panicky.  Squeezing by people, bumping into people, trying to find a big enough space for my fat ass to get through…it’s all very frustrating and slightly humiliating.  My face gets hot and blotchy and my breathing quickens.  Today I noticed that I tend to pick at my fingernails too.  Have I always been this ridiculously neurotic?  Probably.  Despite the crowds, we enjoyed ourselves and we were walking around a gigantic store for hours and hours, so we definitely burned some calories.   

Today also marked the end of my 30 days/zero junk food thing.  For an entire month, I prepared all of my meals, shunned fast food and drastically cut the sugar out of my diet.  I have learned that I’m a fairly good cook that can’t follow a recipe to save my life.  Yes, I can read and understand recipes, but I always modify them one way or another.  I’ve decided to embrace this creative facet of my personality.  Usually, I get angry at myself for not doing things perfectly.  I am an “analyzer” who feels the need to plan every detail of…well, everything.  But when I’m in the kitchen, I am a slightly different person.  When I am preparing a dish, I throw in whatever strikes my fancy.  I don’t use measuring cups or spoons.  I came up with some really great meals that will probably become staples around the house.  *patting myself on the back*

I can’t believe it’s been a month since I started this whole adventure.  Such a short time, but I feel like I have made some dramatic and lasting changes.  Speaking of which, I’m going to follow Fatbridesmaid’s example and get on the Lent Exercise bandwagon.  I’m planning on purchasing a treadmill this week (finally!).  I have decided to sacrifice my mornings.  I am NOT an early riser and have never been able to workout regularly in the morning.  But that’s why they call it sacrifice.  And I seem to do well with “month-long” challenges. 

It’s quite late for this extra lusty broad.  I shall see you all on Wednesday at a decent hour.

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Fat Girl in a Little Chair February 13, 2009

Well, this week I really impressed myself.  Losing 2 lbs when I’m this bloated and crampy is just shy of a miracle.  I know that I can’t lose EVERY week, but I’m glad a gain didn’t happen this time.  I’m already a little emotional this week, and that might have done me in.  Who knows?  I’m down to 288.8 lbs, and when I tracked my new weight on WW’s, I had to recalculate my daily points allowance.  Before I was allowed 39 and now it’s 36.  That makes me feel great!  It really feels like I’m getting somewhere now.  Eighteen lbs to go to meet my first weight loss goal.  Go me!

Last night, my BFF and I went to see Jason Mraz in concert.  What an amazing vocalist!  I enjoy JM’s music and consider myself a fan, but his live performance was even better than his albums.  I am floored by his musical talent.  Seriously.  And he’s just so…adorable.  ;) 

I love going to concerts.  I do not love the itty-bitty chairs I have to stuff my ass into.  I also do not love sitting next to strangers and having my fat rolls flop onto their side of the arm rest.  Luckily, the seats at the concert were relatively roomy, and the stranger next to me was super skinny and all cuddled up with her boyfriend on the other side.  But of course we had to stand up a million times to let people squeeze by to find their seats.  Going to any kind of event in an arena/auditorium or even sometimes at the movies, can make a fat girl feel her fattest.  I feel like a giant bowling ball rolling through thousands of pins when I’m in a big crowd like that.  And when I have to slide into my seat kind of sideways (you know, you have to lower one cheek in the seat, and then squish the other one in to sit down), then I notice a Kate Moss look-a-like next to me only taking up half a seat–well, let’s just say, it doesn’t really help my self-esteem. 

I always try and talk myself into forgetting my body issues and just having a good time.  Who cares, right?  About 50 % of the time, I manage to do that.  The rest of the time, I start obsessing about my bulk and comparing myself to the thousands of strangers around me.  I really need to get a handle on the negative self-talk. 

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!  See you Monday, Lusties.

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