The Double Life of Elle

The Secret Confessions of an Extra Lusty Broad in a Stick Figure World.

Slightly Neurotic February 16, 2009

Filed under: exercise,Fat Mentality — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:37 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

It’s a little after 11 pm, and I usually don’t blog this late.  SIL and I went to Ikea today, and if anyone else is a fan of Ikea then you know it’s an all day event.  We go pretty often.  It’s one of the ways we “hang out.”  Usually we go on a weekday that we both have off because there’s never a crowd during the week.  Not until we pulled up to the giant blue building with lines of cars coming out of every entrance to the parking garage did we remember that today was a holiday. 

Crowds make me panicky.  Squeezing by people, bumping into people, trying to find a big enough space for my fat ass to get through…it’s all very frustrating and slightly humiliating.  My face gets hot and blotchy and my breathing quickens.  Today I noticed that I tend to pick at my fingernails too.  Have I always been this ridiculously neurotic?  Probably.  Despite the crowds, we enjoyed ourselves and we were walking around a gigantic store for hours and hours, so we definitely burned some calories.   

Today also marked the end of my 30 days/zero junk food thing.  For an entire month, I prepared all of my meals, shunned fast food and drastically cut the sugar out of my diet.  I have learned that I’m a fairly good cook that can’t follow a recipe to save my life.  Yes, I can read and understand recipes, but I always modify them one way or another.  I’ve decided to embrace this creative facet of my personality.  Usually, I get angry at myself for not doing things perfectly.  I am an “analyzer” who feels the need to plan every detail of…well, everything.  But when I’m in the kitchen, I am a slightly different person.  When I am preparing a dish, I throw in whatever strikes my fancy.  I don’t use measuring cups or spoons.  I came up with some really great meals that will probably become staples around the house.  *patting myself on the back*

I can’t believe it’s been a month since I started this whole adventure.  Such a short time, but I feel like I have made some dramatic and lasting changes.  Speaking of which, I’m going to follow Fatbridesmaid’s example and get on the Lent Exercise bandwagon.  I’m planning on purchasing a treadmill this week (finally!).  I have decided to sacrifice my mornings.  I am NOT an early riser and have never been able to workout regularly in the morning.  But that’s why they call it sacrifice.  And I seem to do well with “month-long” challenges. 

It’s quite late for this extra lusty broad.  I shall see you all on Wednesday at a decent hour.

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Fat Mentality February 4, 2009

Filed under: Fat Mentality — thedoublelifeofelle @ 11:32 am
Tags: , , , , ,

For the past 3 weeks, my weight loss journey has been consuming me (in a good way).  I have found a determination that I didn’t know I was capable of.  This is the longest I’ve “had my heart in” any kind of diet.  Constantly, I think about all the things that I’ll be able to do when I lose this weight: like getting out of bed in the morning without a painful struggle, going to a restaurant and not having to squeeze myself into a booth, and not having to pay a fortune for cute bras and jeans.   

But I can’t imagine myself thinner.  I told that to my BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who didn’t write those things on your binders  or add it as a “closing” in notes to your BFF in middle school).  

Her exact words were, “Not with an attitude like that!” 

She missed my point completely.  She used to be a Skinny Bitch (I mean, like size 4 skinny) and gained a lot of weight (100 lbs) over the past 5 years.  She has lived most of her life a Skinny Bitch, while I have spent my entire life being Extra Lusty.  Trying to imagine myself thin, is like trying to imagine a different nose on my face.   Plus, I have this fat girl mentality I’ve had for as long as I can remember:  before going out anywhere, I think about all the possible ways my fat is going to cause me problems or embarrassment….like breaking a folding chair at a cookout (happened!), slipping and falling (I can’t completely chalk that up to being fat, because I am such a klutz, but everyone who witnesses it just sees a fat girl rolling around on the ground), and worst of all, navigating my way through a crowded bar.  BFF still has the skinny bitch mentality and these kinds of concerns don’t even cross her mind. 

Does anyone else feel this way?  Or DID anyone feel this way before they lost the weight?  Does the “fat girl mentality” ever really go away?? 

Well, The Biggest Loser changes Extra Lusties into Skinny Bitches!  I didn’t get to watch the whole show last night, but I did get to see the weigh-in of the At-Homers.  I was yelling at the T.V. when the green team weighed in.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for Green, but Laura needs to cut the whining and crying.  And like FatBridesmaid mentioned on her LiveBlog, I’m glad Jillian called out Aubrey on the Yellow team for using that tired “I’ve gained muscle” line when she only lost 2 lbs in 30 days (FatBridesmaid hosts a LiveBlog discussion during the airing of The Biggest Loser, and also posts a play-play synopsis of each episode).   Later in the show, Aubrey said that she worked out 4-5 hrs a day when she was home and that her diet was the culprit.  I find this hard to believe.  I was sad that Carla had to go home because of Joelle.  Carla worked so hard and she wanted it so bad…unfortunately her partner totally screwed her over.  It looks like it cost them their friendship too.   My BFF talks about applying for BL all the time, and she has said that she would end up at her partner’s throat if they weren’t working hard enough because she is so competitive (think Tara of the Green team).  Since I enjoy being her friend,  I think I’ll pass. ;)   

I will be weighing in for the third time tomorrow, and I won’t lie to you…I am feeling the pressure.  This blogging thing, gives a person A LOT of accountability.  See you all Friday and have a very happy Hump-Day!

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