For the past 3 weeks, my weight loss journey has been consuming me (in a good way). I have found a determination that I didn’t know I was capable of. This is the longest I’ve “had my heart in” any kind of diet. Constantly, I think about all the things that I’ll be able to do when I lose this weight: like getting out of bed in the morning without a painful struggle, going to a restaurant and not having to squeeze myself into a booth, and not having to pay a fortune for cute bras and jeans.
But I can’t imagine myself thinner. I told that to my BFF (best friend forever, for those of you who didn’t write those things on your binders or add it as a “closing” in notes to your BFF in middle school).
Her exact words were, “Not with an attitude like that!”
She missed my point completely. She used to be a Skinny Bitch (I mean, like size 4 skinny) and gained a lot of weight (100 lbs) over the past 5 years. She has lived most of her life a Skinny Bitch, while I have spent my entire life being Extra Lusty. Trying to imagine myself thin, is like trying to imagine a different nose on my face. Plus, I have this fat girl mentality I’ve had for as long as I can remember: before going out anywhere, I think about all the possible ways my fat is going to cause me problems or embarrassment….like breaking a folding chair at a cookout (happened!), slipping and falling (I can’t completely chalk that up to being fat, because I am such a klutz, but everyone who witnesses it just sees a fat girl rolling around on the ground), and worst of all, navigating my way through a crowded bar. BFF still has the skinny bitch mentality and these kinds of concerns don’t even cross her mind.
Does anyone else feel this way? Or DID anyone feel this way before they lost the weight? Does the “fat girl mentality” ever really go away??
Well, The Biggest Loser changes Extra Lusties into Skinny Bitches! I didn’t get to watch the whole show last night, but I did get to see the weigh-in of the At-Homers. I was yelling at the T.V. when the green team weighed in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m rooting for Green, but Laura needs to cut the whining and crying. And like FatBridesmaid mentioned on her LiveBlog, I’m glad Jillian called out Aubrey on the Yellow team for using that tired “I’ve gained muscle” line when she only lost 2 lbs in 30 days (FatBridesmaid hosts a LiveBlog discussion during the airing of The Biggest Loser, and also posts a play-play synopsis of each episode). Later in the show, Aubrey said that she worked out 4-5 hrs a day when she was home and that her diet was the culprit. I find this hard to believe. I was sad that Carla had to go home because of Joelle. Carla worked so hard and she wanted it so bad…unfortunately her partner totally screwed her over. It looks like it cost them their friendship too. My BFF talks about applying for BL all the time, and she has said that she would end up at her partner’s throat if they weren’t working hard enough because she is so competitive (think Tara of the Green team). Since I enjoy being her friend, I think I’ll pass. ;)
I will be weighing in for the third time tomorrow, and I won’t lie to you…I am feeling the pressure. This blogging thing, gives a person A LOT of accountability. See you all Friday and have a very happy Hump-Day!